he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
They are going to name an STD after you.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
