yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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