The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
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