i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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