I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
