It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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