U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
