Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
