I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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