So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
