Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
