what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
