Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
