wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
