remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
