i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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