Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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