There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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