fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
