Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
