What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
