she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
