Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
