we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
