so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
