I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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