what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
