She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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