i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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