i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My legs feel like baby dolphins
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
