no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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