how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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