I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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