found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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