She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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