11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
