I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
