watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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