pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
