isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
i need some magic done to my vagina
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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