That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize