this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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