i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
