youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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