Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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