Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
