I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
It's just like the Real World with babies
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
