What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize