For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
