I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i dont even know how to be here
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
