I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize