we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
