Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
