I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
