Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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