Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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