Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize