Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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