I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
