he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
