my phone needs a breathalizer
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
