He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm both gender and math confused
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
